Watching a movie has never been this painful.
Well, except for X men 3.
But in X Men 3, the characters have intelligence even if the director doesn't.
Transporter 3 on the other hand....
WHAT?!
The director has clearly not gotten the reason why people love the previous two films in the trilogy. It's because of Frank Martin's bad assness, his impossible but still Statham-ey one liners, his steady hand, and the fact that he never has meaningful relationships. And his super cool fighting. People also love how the movies manage to entertain despite the seemingly ridiculous stunts he manages to pull off.
NONE of those qualities ever appeared in this third installment. So you can see how that might be a problem. The fight scenes, if that's what you call them, are lacking the creativity seen in 1(Greased lighting anyone?) & 2(WATERMELON HANDS!! And that bit where he shows them which man got the biggest hose), plus Megaton(director), tried too hard to make a bare-knuckle, no-holds barred fight look glossy and cool. I know shaky cams are in right now, but those are only for actors that CANNOT fight.
Said director also tried to bring the film to a serious level, which is career suicide when it's a movie built entirely on "popcorn logic".
And how the heck did Frank Martin end up with that cow?! Come on! he's too good for her in EVERY way. There's a gargantuan difference between wild and playful(GOOD), and Stupid and Stoned(BAD!Badbadbad!). Not to mention she practically rapes him in one scene.
If anyone wants to torture me for information just show me this. It's not Statham's fault really. He's still the scowly, silent character we happen to love.
I'm gonna pretend this film EVER existed in Statham's good name. I did it for X men 3, this shouldn't be a problem either.
Now we know what Elvis menat in "A little less conversation, a little more action, PLEASE!"

Da_movie_kid was shot at 9:12 PM